


I Wish My Family Could be Happy Again

by localspacelesbian



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Aromantic Jonah Beck, Coming Out, F/M, Gen, Mild Language, T. J. Kippen & Amber Are Siblings, andi mack appreciation week
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-19
Updated: 2019-11-19
Packaged: 2021-02-13 10:09:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21492586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/localspacelesbian/pseuds/localspacelesbian
Summary: Jonah's parents are fighting. Again. So he goes to the one person he thinks might understand what he's going through. And no, it’s not Cyrus. Although, in retrospect, maybe that would have been the better option.
Relationships: Amber & Jonah Beck, Amber/Jonah Beck, Jonah Beck & Cyrus Goodman, Jonah Beck & T. J. Kippen
Comments: 4
Kudos: 33





	I Wish My Family Could be Happy Again

Jonah’s parents’ bedroom was right next to his. And the walls were not very thick. They managed to muffle the noise just enough that he couldn’t  _ quite _ understand what they were fighting about, but he couldn’t ignore the fact that they were fighting. And he couldn’t take it anymore. He threw on a hoodie and his shoes and grabbed his phone. They didn’t even notice him leave.

He was a couple blocks away before he realized that he didn’t actually have a plan. He stopped and looked around at the familiar houses. He realized where his feet had subconsciously been taking him. He hadn’t really been to her house in a while, but maybe she’d get it. Besides, it wasn’t like he really had anywhere else to go. He kept walking before he could talk himself out of it.

He knocked on the door. He waited a few seconds before it opened. TJ.  _ Yeah, that wasn’t awkward at all _ . He looked surprised to see Jonah standing there on his front porch. “Jonah? You ok, dude?”

Jonah nodded instinctively. “Yeah, I’m fine. You know what? This was a bad idea. I’m just gonna-” He started to turn to walk away.

TJ grabbed his arm to stop him. “Cyrus worked way too hard for us to become friends for me to just leave you out in the cold when you’re clearly upset.” He held the door open for him and gestured for Jonah to go inside.

Jonah nodded and followed him into the house. TJ closed the door behind him. They both stood there kind of awkwardly for a second before Jonah broke the silence. “Um. Is Amber home?”

TJ nodded. “Yeah. Do you want me to go get her?” Jonah just nodded, and TJ disappeared.

A few seconds later, Amber came from the direction TJ had gone, looking confused. “Jonah? What are you doing here? Are you ok?” Suddenly, Jonah felt like he was about to cry, and he couldn’t make words from. He just shook his head. Amber looked concerned. “Do you want some water or something? Or ice cream maybe?”

Jonah started to shake his head, but TJ’s voice from the distance interrupted them. “Don’t eat all my ice cream!”

Amber shouted back, “You’re lactose intolerant! You shouldn’t be eating it anyway!”

“Fuck you!”

Amber just rolled her eyes and turned back to Jonah. “Ignore him. You can have as much ice cream as you want."

Jonah shook his head. "I'm fine." Amber gave him a Look. "Water would be good though."

She smiled in a way that made him feel like he had just gotten an answer correct in class. "I'll get it for you. You can go wait in ny room. Sorry about the mess." She gestured in the direction of her room before turning toward the kitchen.

Jonah walked down the familiar hallway. Amber had been the first (ok, only) person he had told about his parents’ problems, and they had been talking more since then, mostly over text, but this was the first time since they had broken up that he had been in her house. It was kind of surreal. Everything was so familiar, even the smell, but there were a few small differences that threw him off. He got to the door to Amber’s bedroom, which was slightly ajar. It had all the same stickers and pictures that had been there before, but there was also a new wooden sign, clearly made by Andi, with Amber’s name on it. He pushed open the door and walked in. The “mess” Amber had mentioned was a small pile of dirty laundry on the floor and some papers strewn across her desk. He looked around the room. The boy band posters that had once covered her walls were gone, replaced by new posters and artwork, which he assumed Andi had made, but otherwise, the room mostly looked the same. It was still very pink, and there were the same string lights above the bed. He walked over to the bed and looked at the pictures on the wall next to it. Where before there had only been a couple pictures, the wall was now pretty much covered. He noticed that there were more of Andi than there were of anyone else. He also noticed a picture of himself that appeared to have been torn up and taped back together.

Amber walked into the room, startling him slightly. She held out a cup of water. “Here you go.”

“Thanks.” He took the cup from her and took a drink. She sat on the bed, so he sat down next to her, setting the cup on the bedside table.

“So…”

“So…”

“Your parents?” He just nodded. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really.”

She nodded. “Fair enough. Well, you can stay here tonight if you want.”

“Thanks.” He smiled at her.

When he woke up the next morning, he was a little disoriented at first. It took him a few seconds to realize where he was and that the muffled shouting he could hear was not in fact his parents. He got up and opened the door. TJ opened the door to his bedroom across the hall, and together they walked toward the source of the noise: Amber and her mom.

“And then I come home to find a  _ boy _ in your bed-”

“He’s my friend! What do you think happened?”

Mrs. Kippen was about to respond, but she glanced over and noticed that TJ and Jonah had entered the room. She sighed. “We will talk about this in the car. Come on. We’re both going to be late for work.” She aggressively grabbed her purse and car keys and started heading toward the door.

“No thanks. I’d rather walk.” Amber grabbed her own purse.

“Amber-”

“Wait, you’re leaving?” Jonah interrupted, immediately regretting saying anything as the two Kippen women turned to him.

“Yeah, sorry Jonah. I have to get to work. I’ll see you later, though?”

He nodded. “Uh yeah. I’m meeting Buffy, Andi, and Cyrus at The Spoon later.”

Amber nodded before turning and walking out the door, without sparing her mom a second look. Jonah flinched as the door slammed. Mrs. Kippen sighed and turned to Jonah with a sympathetic look. “Do you need a ride home?”

He shook his head. “No thanks. I can walk.” She nodded and followed her daughter outside.

TJ turned to him. “I’m sorry. About… all that.” He gestured vaguely toward the door.

Jonah shook his head. “It’s fine.” Now that the house had fallen quiet, the panic Jonah hadn’t even realized he had been starting to feel was subsiding somewhat.

TJ nodded. “I can walk with you to The Spoon if you want. I have work at about the same time, and it’s on the way.” Jonah just nodded, not even bothering to ask how TJ knew what time he was meeting his friends. TJ started to turn toward the kitchen. “Are you hungry?”

“Uh sure?”

TJ nodded. “You can go change while I make us breakfast. I’m pretty sure Amber already stole some of my clothes for you.”

Jonah nodded and headed back into Amber’s room, where, sure enough, there was a pile of TJ’s clothes sitting on her now cleared off desk. He got dressed and brushed his hair. When he went to grab his phone off the bedside table, he noticed that Amber’s was also sitting there, still plugged in, so he grabbed it too.

He walked into the kitchen, where TJ was making french toast. Jonah grabbed plates, forks, and cups, slightly surprised that he remembered where they were. Eating together was slightly awkward; the two of them hadn’t exactly spent much alone time together, well ever. But it wasn’t too bad. Jonah asked TJ where he worked, since he couldn’t remember even knowing that he had a job, and TJ’s face practically lit up.

The two of them walked into The Spoon together, laughing at a story TJ had been telling him about the kids at the gym. They walked over to the table where the good hair crew was already sitting.

“Hi guys.” Jonah ignored the confused looks they were all giving him and TJ as he sat down next to Cyrus.

“Hi,” Cyrus responded, still looking at TJ.

TJ waved at them. “Hey Buffy, Andi,  _ Cyrus _ .” He put a weird emphasis on Cyrus’s name, causing him to blush as he waved back and Buffy and Andi to share a look.

“What are you doing here?” Buffy asked.

He shrugged. “I was on my way to work, and I ran into Jonah, so I thought I’d stop by and say hi.”

Buffy raised her eyebrow, but before she could say anything, Amber showed up. “Gross. Who let you in?”

TJ rolled his eyes. “Guess you don’t want this, then.” He pulled her phone out of his pocket and showed it to her. She reached for it, but he held it above his head, out of her reach.

She glared at him. “Give me my phone, TJ.”

He gave her a mock pout and tilted his head to the side. “Shouldn’t have left it at home then.”

“TJ.”

“You know, maybe you shouldn’t even have it. Aren’t you supposed to be working?”

She crossed her arms. “Aren’t  _ you _ supposed to be working?”

He shrugged. “Fair enough.” He tossed her phone to her, and she just barely caught it.

“Thanks. Now get out of my restaurant. People are trying to eat here, you know, and your face is making them lose their appetite.”

TJ rolled his eyes. “Love you too, Ambs.” He waved to everyone as he left.

Amber turned to the others to take their orders. Jonah realized that he had left his wallet at home the night before in his hurry to get out of the house.  _ Oh well _ . He had already had breakfast anyway. Amber doubled checked that she had gotten the others’ orders correct and started to walk away.

“Wait. Jonah hasn’t ordered yet,” Andi pointed out.  _ Shit. They noticed. _

“No worries. I’m good.” Amber nodded at him and walked off to the kitchen.

“You’re not hungry? Then why did you come to breakfast?” Buffy asked.

“Yeah, you could have slept in,” Andi added.

“I’m fine. I’m just here to enjoy your company.” He wasn’t really lying. Besides, it was better than being at home.

“That’s sweet. Kind of weird.”

Amber returned with a plate of food. “This guy claims this wasn’t what he ordered. Stupid, right?” They all simultaneously rushed to agree with her and reassure her that she was totally a great waitress. She turned to Jonah. “Anyway, I’m supposed to toss this. Do you want it?”  _ Subtle, Amber. Real subtle _ .

“Oh well, if it’s just gonna go to waste, then sure.” How could he turn down free food?

“Enjoy!”

Jonah thanked her as she walked away and started digging in to the food. Buffy, Andi, and Cyrus all gave him weird looks. “What? Should I wait?”

“No no, go ahead,” Buffy assured him. “That was pretty nice of her.”

He looked up. “Amber’s a nice person.”

“Not that nice.”

Cyrus looked at Jonah and changed the subject. “Is that TJ’s hoodie?”

Jonah instinctively looked down at the hoodie. “No, it’s mine.”

Buffy looked between the hoodie and Cyrus. “What makes you think it’s TJ’s?”

Cyrus blushed. “Because I’ve seen him wear it before.”

“Maybe he just has a similar one?” Jonah suggested, trying to brush it off.

Cyrus nodded slowly, clearly not quite believing him, but not questioning it further.

When they were done eating, they started talking about what else they wanted to do that day. Andi suggested Adrenaline City, which sounded fun, but… money. They clearly didn’t buy his homework excuse, and Buffy in particular seemed determined to convince him to come. So, when Amber came by and offered him a free ticket, of course he took it.

When she left to go change, he followed her toward the back of the diner. “Hey, thank you.”

“No problem. I’m glad you can come. It’s gotta be better than sitting around at home.”

He nodded. “Yeah. One question though: did you actually have a free ticket, or did you make that up to get me to come?”

She smiled and nodded. “Yes, I actually happen to have two free tickets to Adrenaline City. I was going to give the other one to TJ, but whatever. You’re more fun.”

He smiled and nodded. “Good. And the eggs?”

“I really did mess up that guy’s order. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m not a very good waitress.”

“What? No, you’re a great waitress.” She gave him a disbelieving look. He laughed. “Ok fine, but you’re getting better?” She laughed. “And thank you. Really.”

She shrugged and smiled at him. “Hey, what are friends for?” She gestured behind her. “But I should probably go change now.”

He nodded. “Right. I’ll see you in a minute.” She nodded and disappeared into the backroom.

He walked back over to the table. They were all giving him weird looks. “What?”

“Nothing,” they all said together, which wasn’t suspicious at all. He shook his head and sat back down.

At Adrenaline City, Jonah spent most of the time with Amber, mostly to avoid the others’ questions. But he had a feeling, from the looks he noticed Buffy giving him, that he was only raising more questions. But it was a lot of fun. It was a good distraction from his problems. And he enjoyed spending time with his friends. He had forgotten how fun Amber was to be around. He tried insisting that he would pay her back for the pretzel she bought them, but she shook her head, saying that he better not even try.

He walked into the Red Rooster for his guitar lesson, which was usually a welcome respite from his his parents, and the first thing Bowie said to him was, “Hey, I’m sorry, dude,” which confused him a lot.

“For what?” He noticed Andi, Buffy, and Cyrus all gesturing for Bowie to stop talking, which confused him more.

“Not being able to give you a job-” Bowie finally noticed the other three and cut himself off.

Jonah laughed nervously. “Why would you say that?”

Andi answered, “We just really wanted to help.” She looked sad.

“Help? Help with what?” They all looked at each other. It occurred to him that they must know… something. He looked down and sighed. He should have know he wouldn’t be able to keep this from them for long. They all moved over to the couches, and they explained that they “knew” what was going on with him.

“The night of the Moon Festival, your wish fell off your lantern,” Andi explained.

“Well, that explains why it didn’t come true.” He laughed humorlessly.

“What does it mean?” Cyrus asked.

“You don’t have to talk about it,” Buffy reassured him.

But he knew he did. Or maybe he didn’t  _ have _ to, but he probably should. And talking to Amber had helped, so maybe talking to them would too. He nodded. “It’s just… embarrassing.”

Cyrus gave him a soft smile. “Dude, you’ve seen me on a carousel. After which I proceeded to vomit. Into my shoe,” he joked.

Jonah laughed. Then, he took a deep breath and explained. “My parents have been fighting. A lot.”

“Oh. I’m sorry,” Buffy said.

“How long has this been going on?” Cyrus asked.

Jonah shrugged. “As long as I can remember.” Their eyes all widened. “But it’s gotten worse the past few months. I don’t know why. And my panic attacks have been getting worse since then too.”

“Jonah.” Andi leaned closer to him.

“I’m fine.”

“I know I’ve suggested this before, but maybe you should consider seeing someone about your panic attacks?” Cyrus suggested.

Jonah shook his head. “I’m pretty sure that would require telling my parents about them first.”

“You haven’t told your parents yet?” Buffy asked. He shook his head. “How come?”

“They have enough to worry about right now.”

“Jonah,” Andi said again.

He shook his head. “Besides, I don’t think they’d take it very well.”

“What do you mean?” Cyrus asked.

“I just. I’ve never exactly felt comfortable talking to them about my problems, you know?” They all looked at each other. Clearly, none of them could relate to not being able to talk to their parents about anything. He sighed. “I don’t know. They’re just weird about stuff like that.” He shrugged.

“I’m sorry,” Andi said. The other two nodded.

“I’m fine. And I haven’t been going through this alone. I’ve had Amber. She’s been pretty great. I stayed the night at her house the other night. Because my parents were… well, you know. That’s why I was wearing TJ’s clothes yesterday.” He said the last part to Cyrus, who looked like he was barely restraining himself from saying, ‘I knew it.’

“Well, now you have us, too,” Andi said. The other two nodded in agreement.

“Yeah, we may not know  _ exactly  _ what you’re going through, but I get it. My parents are divorced, remember? I know I was only eight when it happened, but I still remember what it’s like to have to listen to your parents fighting all the time. So if you ever need someone to talk to about it…”

“And you can talk to us, too, even if we maybe don’t quite get it in the same way,” Andi added.

Buffy nodded in agreement. “Yeah, we’re always here for you.”

Jonah nodded and smiled. “Thanks. That felt good. Telling you guys.”

“You can always lean on us,” Cyrus said, smiling.

“We want you to. It makes us feel useful,” Buffy joked.

“You can tell us the stuff you think you can’t,” Andi added. “Got it?”

Jonah nodded. “Got it. No more secrets.”

Once again, Jonah found himself knocking on the Kippens’ door. Luckily, Amber was the one who opened the door. She looked at him in surprise. “You ok?”

“Is that offer of ice cream still up for grabs?”

She gave him a sad smile and nodded as she opened the door wider to let him in. “Of course.” He followed her into the kitchen, where they grabbed the tub of ice cream and two spoons before heading up to her room.

They sat on her bed eating ice cream in silence for a while before Amber finally asked, “What happened?”

Jonah sighed and looked down. “Libby broke up with me.”

“Oh.” She put her spoon in the ice cream. “I’m sorry.”

He shook his head. “It’s fine. I’m actually not as upset about it as I thought I’d be.”

“I thought you really liked her.”

“So did I. And I don’t know. It’s weird. Like, I miss her. And I miss being in a relationship. But I don’t miss being in a relationship with her. Does that make sense?”

Amber nodded. “That makes perfect sense.”

“I’m sorry. You probably don’t wanna hear about this stuff.”

She shook her head and held his hand. “Hey, we’re friends now, remember? You can talk to me about this stuff if you want.”

He smiled at her. “Thanks. But I don’t know if I really wanna talk about it right now. Do you wanna watch a movie or something?”

She smiled and nodded. “Sure.”

A couple days later, the two of them were walking through the park because she didn’t have work and neither of their houses were really great places to be at the moment. They were just talking. Jonah was somehow reminded both of why he had liked her in the first place and of how much she had changed for the better since then. There were a few times when their hands brushed together that Jonah tried not to look into too much.

They walked near a bench, and Amber suggested that they sit down for a bit. She sat a bit closer than he had been expecting. “You know, it’s been really great hanging out with you lately.”

He nodded, smiling. “It has. I almost forgot how cool you are.”

She laughed. He could’ve sworn he saw her eyes flicker down to his lips.  _ Oh _ . His heartbeat started to pick up, but before he could figure out what that meant, she asked, “Can I try something?” He nodded, and suddenly, she was kissing him. It was… not bad. The whole idea of kissing still felt a little weird to him, but this was definitely better than any of the previous times that they had kissed, so that was good, right?

When they separated, she smiled at him. She was going to say something, but her phone went off, interrupting her. She checked it and rolled her eyes. “Shit, I forgot TJ and I were supposed to go shopping together when he got off work.” She looked up at him. “I have to go. Sorry. I’ll call you later?”

He just nodded as he watched her walk away. He started walking in the opposite direction, thinking about what had just happened, when he heard Buffy calling his name.  _ Shit. _ He smiled and made his way toward her, Andi, and Cyrus.

They immediately started to interrogate him, which was frustrating because he hadn’t even processed what had just happened yet, so how was he supposed to explain it to them? And did they really think he would cheat on Libby? That kind of hurt.

That night, Amber facetimed him, and they talked for like an hour. They decided to try dating again. Amber seemed really excited about it. It was kind of cute. But also kind of scary. But he did like hanging out with her. She was a lot of fun. And she had changed a lot since the last time they had dated. He knew this time, they wouldn’t have the same problems they had had before. And, well, the alternative was… being single. And that thought scared him more than the thought of being in a relationship with Amber again. Things would be better this time, right?

It didn’t take long for things to start going downhill. Amber was so… clingy. But Andi told him that she wasn’t actually being clingy. She was just expecting normal boyfriend-girlfriend stuff from him. And there were those words again. Boyfriend and girlfriend. He didn’t know why those words still made him so uncomfortable. But they did. But he liked being with Amber. Most of the time. But it was so hard for him to respond to her text messages. To like her pictures on Instapic. To hang out with her and her friends. Even talking to her seemed to suddenly take so much more energy than it had a week ago.

And then. She said that she loved him. And that. That was just too much. Why did it have to be love? Why couldn’t it just be fun? Andi said that, for Amber, they were one in the same. But that didn’t make any sense to him. Love, or at least romantic Love, was some abstract, scary Thing that he didn’t like to think about. To be fair, it wasn’t like he had the best examples of Love growing up. He couldn’t remember the last time he heard his parents say that they love each other. He thought that Amber got that. And maybe she did, at least a little bit. At least this time, she wasn’t putting any pressure on him to do or say anything he didn’t want to. Or at least, she was trying not to. She was almost trying too hard. Like she was scared of scaring him away. But the pressure was still  _ there _ . And he didn’t like it.

Maybe it wasn’t about his parents. After all, Amber didn’t seem to have the same problem. And as far as he could tell, neither did TJ and Cyrus. Although he couldn’t be sure, since, as far as he knew, neither of them had actually been in a real relationship before. At least, he was pretty sure Cyrus didn’t really count his relationship with Iris, but Jonah didn’t really understand how that all worked. Even when he had been dating Iris, a girl he obviously wasn’t attracted to (at least in retrospect), Cyrus had been a better boyfriend than Jonah was.

He knew he should break up with Amber. He told Andi that he was going to. But he just couldn’t. He didn’t want to hurt her. And he still had this fear of being single. Which he didn’t understand. And he was pretty sure was irrational. But it was still there. So he avoided her. Which led to possibly the worst lie he had ever told: that Cyrus was giving him chess lessons.

“Please explain.”

“I told Amber you were giving me chess lessons.”

“Why?”

“I had to. She’s getting so clingy.”

“Tiny snag: I don’t know how to play chess.”

“I’m not really taking lessons.” Jonah started walking away.

Cyrus quickly turned and caught up with him. “Ok, I’m gonna need a better explanation if you’re asking me to lie to one of my best friends.”

Jonah sighed. “It’s not really a big deal. She’s not going to find out.”

“She could. And even if she doesn’t, it’s still wrong. She’s my friend.”

“I’m your friend, too.”

“And now you’re asking me to choose sides. You sound just like my parents.”

Ok, yeah, Jonah deserved that. He sighed. “Just. Please?”

Cyrus sighed. “If you’re willing to go through all this trouble just to avoid her, why don’t you just break up with her?”

“And now you sound like Andi.”

“Andi’s pretty smart.”

“I know. And I will break up with her. I just don’t know how.”

“Your breakup with Andi went pretty well.”

“That was different. It was mutual. Amber loves me.”

“She told you that?”

Jonah nodded. “I pretended I didn’t hear her, but that only works once. I’ve been avoiding her ever since.”

“So that’s what you meant by ‘clingy’ then.”

Jonah nodded. “I don’t want to hurt her.”

“You’re already hurting her. By lying to her.”

“Not if she doesn’t find out.” Jonah didn’t even believe his own words.

“She’s going to found out.”

Jonah panicked. “You aren’t going to tell her, are you?”

“No, Jonah, I’m not going to tell her.” Jonah sighed in relief. “Because you’re going to tell her.”

“How?”

“You just tell her.”

“Why are breakups so hard?”

“I don’t know. Just. Don’t do what I did with Iris.”

“What happened with Iris?”

“She kissed me, which was probably one of the most awkward experiences of my life, which you know is saying a lot.” Jonah snorted. “And then, you know, I realized I was gay and just didn’t talk to her again after that until I happened to run into her at the Renaissance Faire. And there, we actually did talk things out, and it went well, I think. But we haven’t really talked much since, which kind of sucks. But my point is, I should have just talked to her in the first place. And you should just talk to Amber now.”

Jonah sighed. “You’re right.”

They walked in silence for a bit more before Cyrus talked again. “Hey, Jonah?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I ask you something?”

“I guess?”

“Do you even like Amber? Like, at all?”

“I don’t know. I thought I did. I like being around her. I like being her friend. But I don’t really like doing all that relationship-y stuff she likes to do.”

“What about Libby? Or Andi? Did you like them?”

Jonah shrugged. “I guess it was about the same. I thought I liked them. Until we actually started to date and I realized how much work being in a relationship is.”

Cyrus nodded. “Do you think you’re just bad at relationships? Or do you think it’s something else?”

“Are you psychoanalyzing me right now?”

“You don’t have to answer the question if you don’t want to.”

Jonah sighed. “I don’t know. It’s like, I know all the things I should be doing. All three of them made it pretty clear. But it just takes so much work.”

Cyrus nodded. “Yeah, relationships take work. But so do friendships, and you seem to think those are worth it.” Jonah nodded. He had never really thought about friendships as taking work before. “Have you considered that maybe you don’t like being in relationships with girls because you just don’t like girls?”

“I’m not gay.” Jonah could hear how defensive that came out and immediately regretted it, especially when he noticed Cyrus wince. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just. I do like girls. I think. And I’m pretty sure I don’t like guys. So, I can’t be gay, right?”

“Are you sure you like girls? Because it doesn’t really sound like you do. And your relationship with Amber honestly reminds me a lot of my relationship with Iris. And you know, there are more options than just gay and straight.” Cyrus stopped, and Jonah realized that they had made it to his mom’s house. “Do you want to come inside?”

Jonah shook his head. “No thanks. I should probably get home.” He had had enough of being psychoanalyzed for one day. And after that conversation, he had a lot to process.

Cyrus nodded. “Ok. Well, if you ever need to talk…”

“I know. I’ll talk to you later.” He started to walk away.

“Text me when you get home.”

Jonah turned back toward Cyrus. “Ok, mom.”

Once Jonah was at home, lying on his bed, he pulled out his phone to text Cyrus, and saw that he already had a message from him. It was a link. He sent Cyrus a quick text to let him know that he made it home before opening up the link. It was a website called AVEN.  _ Huh _ .

“Amber figured out that I’m not giving you chess lessons.”

“She did?” Cyrus nodded.  _ Shit _ . Jonah was going to break up with her. He just needed a bit more time to figure out how to do it. “Great. Ok now I need some other excuse why I can’t hang out with her. Help me think of something.”

“I have an idea.” Jonah and Cyrus both turned to see Amber walking up to them.

They both said, “Amber,” not quite in sync and with varying levels of distress.

“Why don’t you just break up with me.”  _ So much for waiting. _

So they broke up. It went about as well as he had been expecting. He watched Amber walk away, feeling like an asshole. If he had been planning on breaking up with her anyway, why did it still hurt?

And the two people he would normally talk to about this stuff had just walked away from him. And ok, he knew he could probably call Cyrus or show up at his house and talk to him, but he had kind of been a jerk to him already, and he didn’t really want to put anymore of his problems on him right now. He supposed there was Buffy and Andi, but he wasn’t really sure what they were up to right now, and he didn’t really want to bother them. Especially Andi. He had complained about his relationship with Amber to Andi enough as it was. And he was pretty sure Amber had been doing the same thing. And he couldn’t imagine how awkward that must be for Andi. He just started walking.

He ended up at the Red Rooster. “Jonah?” Bowie was at the counter, looking concerned. “We don’t have a lesson today, do we?” Jonah shook his head. “Then what are you doing here? Are you ok?”

“I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?”

Jonah nodded. “Yeah. It’s just…”

“Did something happen?”

“Amber and I broke up.”

“Oh. I’m sorry dude.”

“It’s fine. Really,” he added when Bowie clearly didn’t believe him. “I just. Feel weird I guess? Like not bad. Just weird. I don’t know.”

Bowie nodded. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Jonah shook his head. “I don’t know.”

“Ok. Well, here.” He walked around the counter closer to Jonah. “You can do what I always do when I don’t know how to talk about my feelings.” Jonah gave him a confused look. Bowie grabbed the nearest guitar and held it out to him. “Let the music express your feelings.”

Jonah took the guitar. “You mean, like, write a song about it?”

Bowie nodded. “Yeah. You’ve done it before, right?”

“I guess…”

Bowie gestured for him to sit down on the couch. “Just try it. You don’t have to perform it for anyone if you don’t want to. It’s just for yourself. It might help. I mean, there’s a reason half the songs on the radio are breakup songs.”

Jonah nodded and sat down. “Ok.” He wasn’t sure it was going to end up being a breakup song though.

Bowie grabbed a pad of paper and a pen and set it down in front of him before getting back to work. “Let me know if you need anything.”

Jonah felt weird when Amber kicked him out of the Spoon. He got it, but it still sucked. He still wanted to be her friend. He couldn’t help but worry about how long it would take for things to go back to normal between them. He wandered home. Fortunately, that night his parents were relatively civil. They ate dinner together in the kitchen, almost like a regular family. But Jonah’s mind kept wandering to everything that had happened lately.

“Are you ok, sweetie? You’ve been awfully quiet.”

Jonah looked up at his mom and smiled. Or he tried to smile. His fake smiles had been getting a lot harder lately. He started to say, “I’m fine,” almost on instinct at this point, but he stopped himself. He took a deep breath. Cyrus had been right about a lot. Maybe he was right about this? So, he told them. For maybe the first time ever, he actually told his parents the truth. And it went… ok? Not as bad as he had been worried it would anyway. Well, he survived.

He knew he wanted to tell Amber first. He knew she still wasn’t ready for him to come into The Spoon, but she was still his friend. And he needed her to know. And maybe he also needed some reassurance from somebody who didn’t have four therapist parents that therapy was the right decision.

Amber was so supportive. He knew she would be, but it was still such a relief. She even got him a milkshake. And maybe she still wouldn’t let him into the diner, but it was progress, and he’d take it. Maybe things were starting to look up after all?

“Are you going to be ok for tomorrow afternoon? Because we have that thing?”

Buffy rolled her eyes. “I just said I’ll be fine.”

“Wait. What’s tomorrow afternoon?” Jonah felt like he was missing something.

“You know, the Thing,” Cyrus said, which was really helpful.

“Don’t tell us you forgot. We’ve been planning it all week.”

_ Oh. Right. _ “Oh yeah. That Thing. That’s tomorrow?” They both nodded. “I might be a bit late.”

“Jonah!” Buffy shouted.

“This is important.”

“I know. I know. It’s just, I finally took your advice.”

“What advice?” Buffy asked.

“Not yours. Cyrus’s.”

Cyrus looked confused. “What advice?”

Jonah took a deep breath. “I finally told my parents.” They looked confused. “About my panic attacks.” Their confusion quickly turned to shock. “And I have my first therapy appointment tomorrow. I’m sorry. I forgot that we had the Thing when we scheduled it…” He suddenly realized that they were no longer next to him, and he turned to see that they had stopped and were staring at him in shock. “Guys?”

They shared a look before turning back to him with matching grins on their faces. It was almost unnerving. “We’re so proud of you,” Buffy said. Jonah melted in relief.

Cyrus stepped forward and gave him a hug, which Jonah gladly returned. When they parted, Jonah added, “And that’s not the only thing you were right about.” Cyrus looked confused. Ok, yeah, he was really doing this. Ok. Jonah took a deep breath. “You know, a couple weeks ago, before Amber and I broke up, when we were talking, and then later you texted me, and you sent me that link to that website?” Cyrus nodded slowly, still looking a bit unsure about where Jonah was going with this. Buffy looked completely lost, which was a weird look on her. Jonah nodded. “Yeah.”

Cyrus’s eyes widened and he pulled Jonah in for another hug. Jonah smiled, glad that Cyrus got what he was getting at. “Jonah, I’m so proud of you.”

Buffy raised her hand. “Hi. Yes. I’d love to be proud of Jonah too, but I have no idea what’s going on.”

Cyrus laughed and looked at Jonah expectantly. Jonah took a deep breath. Ok, so, yeah, he was actually going to have to say the word, wasn’t he? He looked to Cyrus for reassurance before looking at Buffy. “I’m aromantic.”

“Oh.” She looked between Cyrus and Jonah. “Ok, should I feel bad for not knowing what that means?”

Jonah laughed slightly. “No. I didn’t know what it meant until literally a couple weeks ago.” She smiled in relief. “It means that I don’t feel romantic attraction. Like ever.”

Buffy nodded. “Oh. That’s a thing?”

Jonah shrugged. “Apparently.”

“Huh. That actually makes a lot of sense.” She walked up to them, putting her arms around both of them and turning them, so they could keep walking. Jonah was glad that she didn’t make a big deal of it. He felt so… loved.

Jonah barely managed to make it in time. Well, almost. He had to text Bex to ask her to stall a bit, which, he found out later, Andi, Cece, and Bowie were not happy about. But he made it. And he performed the song that Bex had shown him earlier that week. And the whole ceremony was so beautiful, even when it was interrupted by Andi’s phone going off.

Afterward, he and the good hair crew were sitting together and talking. They told Andi about how they had helped Bex pull off the surprise wedding. And he told them about his therapy appointment that morning, which had been a bit underwhelming to be honest. Cyrus reassured him that the first couple were always a bit awkward, as he and his therapist were still getting to know each other, but they’d get better. And Andi told him that she was proud of him. Cyrus and Buffy gave him matching Looks, and he realized that he should probably tell Andi the other thing that he had told them the day before. He looked around and noticed his guitar sitting a few feet away.

“Hey, would it be weird if I played you guys a song right now?”

“Yes,” Buffy answered. Andi and Cyrus both elbowed her. She rolled her eyes. “Go for it, Beck. You know we all love your music.”

Jonah smiled and got up to grab the guitar. He sat down.

“It’s not a love song, is it?” Andi asked, looking a bit nervous. He noticed Buffy and Cyrus share an amused look.

He smiled. “No, it’s not. Don’t worry.” She looked relieved. He took a deep breath and started playing. He was a bit nervous at first, like he always was, but it didn’t take him very long to get lost in the music. When he was done, he looked up to see all three of them smiling at him. They started clapping. He heard someone clapping behind him and turned to see Bowie, Bex, and Cece. He hadn’t noticed them walking up to the group. He smiled at them.

“Is that the song you were working on the other day?” Bowie asked. Jonah nodded. “Well, it turned out great, dude. I told you you could do it.”

Jonah smiled at him. “Thanks.”

He set his guitar down and moved back to the bench where the good hair crew were sitting, only to immediately be tackled into a group hug. They all laughed. When they separated, Buffy pointed at his guitar. “You should play us more songs.”

Jonah laughed. “I thought you thought it was weird.” Buffy shrugged.

Cyrus said, “If you’re going to be Guitar Guy, you might as well go all in.”

Buffy snorted. “Yes, so sing for us, our angel of music,” she said in a dramatic voice with over dramatic hand gestures. They all laughed again, and Cyrus and Andi nodded in agreement. 

Jonah picked up his guitar again. “Ok. Ok. What do you want me to play?”


End file.
